So, yesterday I went to campus at 11 in the morning and left at 5 in the morning the next day. My group was working on a huge project, something we'd been working on all semester, and we were presenting today. This class, from 11-12:30, also required our attendance from 5-8, since we had to watch all the teams present. We had all busted our asses working on this project, and were going to present to the CEO of a startup.
One of the groups that had presented first started drinking during the night-time presentations, joking around, asking asshole questions, and pretty much just acting like some asses. They were pretty blitzed mid-way through the presentations, and it had become clear they were drinking--even though howard didn't believe me.
I should take a brief moment to introduce the detail of one of the drunkards being a hoe (many of them are, well.. all of them are after this project), and I'd like to use Jay-Z's definition:
"This is not a hoe in the sense of having a pussy
But a pussy having no God damn sense, try and push me"
- 99 problems
This asshole asks the same damn question to every marketing group after they present. "uh... don't you think that you'll dilute the brand by.. [insert presenting teams platform here]?"
seriously, bitch. what do you know about anything? I've forgotten more about marketing than you've ever thought about marketing. I don't even know that much. No one in the class likes you except for the wretched gang of sea creatures you call a group. You've never contributed to class, or even mankind for that matter. Strongly consider other options.
Anyways, I became suspicious when they started laughing at one of my group members present. I wasn't having that at all. Then when they tried to tag-team another group by poking holes in their presentation, that was the last straw. Your half-assed project wasn't fooling anyone. We had also seen them share the same coke bottle, which doesn't make sense when you have four bottles.
So upon the recommendation of my peers, I told the professor that we were suspicious of their sobriety. We found the empty coke bottles they had mixed their rum into, howard said he heard them say rum, adelle said she could smell it, and kelly said she also did when they spilled it on her. I told the professor I took mad disrespect, and what surprised me was that he actually seemed hurt. He had told us earlier that day that he was going to extend some good will to us later that evening at a restaurant. Then it seemed to set in that some chump ass bitches, bitch bitch bitch (WHATTUP JOE!), weren't reciprocating.
He seemed resigned when he asked "what can I do about it?"
I told him I'd take care of it.
As an aside, I'd like to say that houston doesn't fucking play.
I gathered the evidence and headed to the restaurant where I saw the villains sitting at the opposite end of the table. I tossed the empty, rum-scented bottle on the table, and stood up to make a speech. Since the professor already knew I was going to town, he looked at me with support.
"A lot of us put a lot of work into this project, and we don't appreciate you coming to class drunk and disrespecting us while we present. I saw you laugh at one of my group members presenting, and I don't take disrespect like that. I don't get disrespected"
The queen hater stared me down, clearly stunned with disbelief. I suppose it would be the look you might give when realizing that overnight, you had been tattooed with "property of james koo" on your ass." She first denied talking during the presentations, and then denied the drinking. I suppose that's the go-to argument when caught in a lie. Her final response was that I was just bitter for not having won, since the presentations were in competition. I told her I could care less, and that it was the least of my concerns. I really wanted to put on a name tag, because I don't think she remembered who she was talking to.
The girl sitting to the side of queen hater looked like she was going to break down. I savored that moment like fucking sushi. Then again, she may have been drunk. Apparently red-head was getting heated about me. Sorry for stuntin all over you.
Anyways, the food arrived--the standard bar fair of onion rings and tater skins, and I must say, never had it tasted so victorious. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I'll take reheated.
Later that evening, queen hater pulled me aside (with the girl who had been sitting next to her) and said "I know it was wrong we were drinking, but don't you think it's messed up that you told the fucking professor?"
to which I replied
"No, that was mad disrespect. We busted our asses on the project, and the fact that you came to the meeting just to drink and mess around, I'm not having it." She denied even talking, which is a damn lie, and I called her out for laughing at homie. Then she dug the grave deeper:
"Tell me what YOU would have done. You just finished your presentation in the morning, wouldnt YOU have done the same thing? You present in the morning, like, wouldnt YOU have done the same thing?"
"HELL NO! At least have the discipline to wait! I wanted to get faded too, but at least I was willing to wait till later"
At this point, howard was trying to cut in and queen-hater-valley-girl-re
Hater number 2 tried pulling Howard aside, reasoning with the same hollow shit. He gave her a verbal smackdown. I jumped in, and the hand came back up with another "I AINT EVEN TALKIN TO YOU." So I turned my side, and gave her the
http://www.youtube.com/wat
and then I did what I does.
"It doesn't even matter. I'm communicating, and you hear me. At the end of the day, I wake up as James Koo. Unfortunately, you wake up to... yourself.. and bad judgment. You're not even seeing me. you CAN'T see me."
I looked hater 2 straight in the face and said "Disrespect again. I dare you."
After that, it was "fuck this, howard, let's roll." I really DONT hold myself in high regards, but if there's something worse than shit-talking, it's arrogant shit talking.
See, I understand the code that you don't snitch. But the fact of the matter is, some folks came through thinking that they could disrespect without consequence. I don't tolerate that. I don't wake up wondering if somebody is going to make me feel like a bitch that day. It doesn't happen. The way I see it, it's just retribution. You took from all the other people in that class the respect that they deserved for the fucking work they put in (yes I AM the poeple's champ). So I took something back.
I took tonight when you sober up, tossing and turning in your bed, unable to shake the fact that I made you look like the bitch you are. I took tomorrow morning, when you wake up and question if the previous night of bitchdom REALLY took place. That'll probably mean I've taken the rest of your day, the next weekend, and in high probability, your month.
Much love to all the people supporting me.
To the haters, I must be doing something right since you exist. I see why you're mad, son. And that's the reason why tonight I'm going to sleep like a king. My comforter will never have felt so warm, and my head will ALWAYS be on the cold side of the pillow. And tomorrow, when I wake up around mid-afternoon, I'm going to look in the mirror and pick my nose. Why? Because a guy picking his nose first thing after waking up is the same guy who made you a BITCH last night. And when I step out of my apartment, I'm going to feel fresher and flyer than you EVER have, because there aint a SPECK of bitch on me.
this was the most memorable way to finish a class, ever.
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